


but as it is (and it is)

by Aquariusgarbag



Series: it seems unforgiving when a good thing ends [1]
Category: Avengers:Endgame - Fandom, Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers:Endgame Compliant, F/M, M/M, Really rough, unbetad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 15:31:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18719896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aquariusgarbag/pseuds/Aquariusgarbag
Summary: “It would be a hundred times easierIf we were young againBut as it isAnd it is”— two slow dancers, mitskiBucky’s thoughts on Steve leaving.





	but as it is (and it is)

bucky didn’t think he had the right to be jealous.

he didn’t think he’d had that right for a long time. hadn’t he pushed away first, as soon as his draft card came? maybe even before, maybe the first time steve had tried to enlist and he had refused to go with him. and didn’t that show that steve and carter were meant to be? two people who’d fight, even when told not to bother, while bucky avoids the fight as long as possible, until steve or the draft board or king t’challa calls on him. just like he’d been avoiding steve. 

bucky didn’t think he had the right to be angry, either.

he hadn’t been angry the first time he saw carter in that god forsaken bar, even though he knew what she meant for him. he had felt himself change, more drastically then the serum, or his new arm, or his newer arm, but he hadn’t been angry. he had been angry, in the early years of the winter soldier program, an anger directed at a nameless, faceless hero. someone who had rescued him but wouldn’t be making a repeat performance. but he didn’t think he had the right now. now that he knew it was steve. even if he was going back, was choosing not to go back for him. because he had never wanted steve to be a hero, to follow him into war. he hadn’t wanted it in in ‘39, he had in fact hoped that if he were not to come back that steve would find a good woman, someone who saw him, understood him. he guessed he got his wish, so he didn’t have the right to be angry.

bucky did think he had the right to be sad. 

they said til the end of the line, and it looked like this is it. but he didn’t think it would be like this. an end they couldn’t fight their way out of, that they couldn’t cheat death to escape. an end that came as a choice. when he had first said it he imagined the end of the line as a peaceful deathbed, both of them old, having lived a long happy life together. but he would have been sad then too.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this is really rough, constructive criticism would be appreciated


End file.
